Ice From the Mountains
by Ace5980
Summary: Ed has a new partner- Zoey Morgan, the Cyclone Alchemist. When they investigate Father's old hideout for  Mustang, things get a little... dicey, never mind that her friend Izzy is afraid of alchemy and visiting them soon! Post-series, EnvyxOC, EdxOC
1. Not What Anyone Ever Expects

Ace: Ha ha, I'm back!

Zoey: Oh lord.

Ed: We're all screwed.

Zoey: Weren't you supposed to be waiting for a beta?

Ace: I got tired of waiting. Now, before anyone even starts to think about it, FLAMES WILL BE DEALT WITH THE SAME SEVERITY OF HAWKEYE WITH A PROCRASTINATING MUSTANG!

Zoey: Yeah, we get enough of those from Mustang. No more.

Ed: *sigh* Before they forget, time to do the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

Ace: *sniffle* That just depresses me so much every time...

Zoey: Before you begin reading, this story contains major spoilers for the manga. If you haven't read up to around Ch104 or don't want to know what happens, you have been warned!

* * *

1: Not What Anyone Ever Expects

Zoey Morgan was, by the large, a rather unimpressive-looking girl in both her general looks and her specific appearance. In fact, her entire getup looked more eccentric than normal. Her hair, a nice pale white, hung to her shoulders, the bottom six inches dyed a dark black. She had a pair of bone wind chime bracelets on her wrists and the small silver line of a chain running inside her grey cut-off shirt underneath her emerald-green overcoat. Few people ever noticed the shiny silver chain attaching a dull metallic pocket watch, much the worse for its wear, to the waistband of her jean skort, but even if they did, no one understood its significance on the 18-year-old girl. She wouldn't have had it any other way.

As a result of her carefully cultivated image, Edward Elric was surprised to see her sitting on Roy Mustang's couch in his office as though it was the most natural thing in the world for her to be doing, her bare foot tapping as she scanned a personal letter, black leather gladiator sandals on the floor alongside her, and blatantly ignoring him. Without batting an eye or so much as glancing in his direction, she said, "Roy'll be back momentarily. In the meantime, you and your brother are welcome to converse amongst yourselves as though I don't exist."

Ed raised an eyebrow at her cocky behavior. "Who are you to be on a first name basis with our Furhur and how am I supposed to converse with my brother if he isn't even here?" he growled.

She shrugged. "Your problem, not mine," she said absently, never taking her blue-green eyes from the paper before her. "Roy's an old family friend." Edward made a few more attempts to get her to interact with him, but the only response he got was an irritated request to go screw himself and leave her the hell alone.

They looked up, the girl's gaze devoid of any but the mildest of interests, to see Roy laughing as his secretary and wife, Rize, guided the blind man to his chair, earning him a scowl from both of them. "Oh Zoey, you're always the eloquent one, aren't you?" he chuckled.

"Not amused, Roy, not amused in the least," she muttered, rolling up the paper and hitting him in the head with it lightly twice. "One of those was from Izzy."

He grinned in spite of himself. "Is she coming for a visit?"

"No, worse. She's coming down here soon to stay for a few weeks in my quarters and says that if I don't have at least one friend my own age and/or a boyfriend, she's gonna kill me so gruesomely I'll be no more than a hapless girl in the worst kind of gory ghost stories told around here."

Edward, having grown bored with all the idle chit-chat involving thinly veiled threats of murder, shouted, "WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY I WAS CALLED HERE?"

"Jeez, Fullmetal, calm down. It's not like we called you short."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!" she yelled, smacking them both on the arm. "Now, use your inside voices."

Riza snorted at that, but she knew the fiery young woman would prove more than capable of managing both alchemists. Roy cleared his throat then, aware of the female's ticking patience, and jumped straight to the point. "Edward, since you no longer have a partner to keep you in check, I'm assigning you and Zoey to work together."

His jaw dropped. "You cannot be serious."

"But I am. Zoey Morgan has proved herself many times before."

Zoey smirked, buckling the straps on her sandals. "Better get used to me, shorty, 'cuz I'm not ready to have my watch taken."

"WHO ARE YOU-"

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING YOUR INSIDE VOICE?" Zoey screamed, smacking Ed upside the head.

"Okay, what the hell _is_ this chic?" he demanded, rubbing the large red spot on his face.

"I'm the Cyclone Alchemist. Now, what's our mission this time, o great Flamer?"

"It's been three years since Father was defeated and I know it's been quite, but lately it's just been nagging at me that he probably had some kind of backup scheme up his sleeve."

"And it was _Edward _who stopped Father and the homunculi, not _me_. Why am I getting involved in this?"

"Because you're a sarcastic bitch," Ed muttered under his breath.

"Because you were the only State Alchemist of a high enough caliber that stood a chance to both keep an eye on Edward's more dangerous and stupid plans and stand a decent fighting chance against whatever the hell you two may find, which is a homunculus in the worst-case scenario and absolutely nothing in the best."

"... Fine. I'll do it."

* * *

Something moved deep in the deserted sewers around Father's old base. It let out a surprisingly human-like groan, attracting the attention of a random sewer rat. Its whiskers twitched, beady red eyes alighting with curiosity as it crept closer to the source of the noise, a small slug-like thing with legs and an absence of slime. The rat came to a stop a few feet away, some part of its tiny mind remembering the violence that had been a normal occurrence until a few years ago. Warily, for this was a far smarter rat than some of its brothers and sisters, it approached the thing.

Whatever the thing was, the slight scratching of the rat's dirty nails on the floor had alerted it to a presence that was not its own. However, sensing the rat's reluctance to come near it, it did not move as it thought panickedly, _I'm supposed to be dead! I ended it all, I know I did! There's no way, absolutely no way I could have survived! Why am I here then?_ It slowly opened one violet eye to behold the greedy face of the rat. "Fuck off," it growled, "Leave me alone to die in peace."

The rat squeaked pathetically, darting back a few steps before its brain had processed the fact that it was not being pursued for its tasty flesh. More confident now, it sauntered back to the thing with almost a visual swagger in its step. It leaned over the thing, hungry eyes focusing on the seemingly vulnerable thing as it prepared to go for the kill.

Big mistake. When the rat lunged at it, it twisted away in an impossibly quick movement, sinking its miniscule teeth into the rat and, using its only defense mechanism, forcibly took control of the creature. _Well_, it thought, moving the rat's limbs in a quick systems check, _it's not my_ favorite _form I've ever taken, but it'll do until I can find a Stone. Hopefully, it won't take me too long to scrounge one up so I can go kill someone, with luck, that damned chibi. I don't need his fucking pity. All I need is _myself_._Thoughts of revenge pleasantly soaking through its mind, it commanded the rat's body to scurry around the various traps it knew were concealed about to protect the old hideout as it began wondering where to best obtain its prize. The homunculi's old quarters might have one or two, along with the inside of the cauldron Father used to deconstruct homunculi, but it guessed its best bet would be the hidden stash on the inside of Father's chair in the main room. As it slowly crept the rat closer to its goal, the thing couldn't help wondering what exactly awaited it inside.

* * *

Ace: Okay, for those of you who didn't catch on, the major changes to this fic are that it's post-series, deals more with Zoey than Izzy right now, and that Zoey is far more badass than before.

Ed: I hate you.

Ace: Aw, I love annoying you too, Eddie!

Ed: GAH! THE AUTHORESS IS COMPLETELY INSANE!

Zoey: INSIDE VOICE, FULLMETAL!

Ed: Reviewers get... cookies?

Ace: Yum, cookies.

Zoey: COOKIES IT IS THEN!


	2. From the Mouth of the Sewer

Ace: Wahhhhh! No one reviewed other than Furorensu-chan!

Envy: Well, duh Ace, this isn't really your best work.

Ace: Grrr... *kills Envy for suggesting she's a horrible writer* Ed, Zoey, you do the review, I'm gonna deal with the palm tree!

Envy: WHO'RE YOU CALLING-

Zoey: USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE!

Ed: I thought she only did that to me.

Ace: So did I.

Zoey: Right, now go handle him, we'll handle Furorensu for you!

Ace: Yay! *runs off, dragging Envy behind her by his palm-tree hair*

Envy: *glares at caption above insinuating about his similarities to a certain tropical flora*

Zoey: Anyway, Ace started this before she finished the series, so her excuse for him being blind still is that someone, cough, Izzy, hack, convinced him not to bargain with the Gate, so he probably shouldn't be blind, however he's still married because it's easier for her to deal with. Here is your cookie, no he doesn't have a mustache, she enjoys me yelling about using the inside voice too, and she's actually been sitting on this for close to a month now...

Ed: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist. Now, please excuse us while we go and watch how Ace handles her Envy torture.

* * *

2: From the Mouth of the Sewer

"I have to do WHAT?"

Edward glared at the protesting girl, his patience running thin. "Come on, this is the only way to Father's hideout."

"I _refuse_ to go down into the _sewer_ in _sandals_."

He had rather hoped it wouldn't come to this. Pushing aside his inhibitions, Zoey was an alchemist herself after all, Ed shoved his partner into the gaping hole of death and human waste. Luckily, he only had a split second to fully appreciate her horrified, murderous expression before she plummeted straight down with a high-pitched scream following her all the way. "Are you alright, Zoey?" he called a moment after her shrieks had rather abruptly stopped.

"Screw you!" She was unhurt if she could cuss him out like that.

"Would it help if I apologized?"

"Go fuck yourself to hell and back!" was all the response he got.

Deciding she had to be perfectly fine if she could abuse the English language in that way, Edward called, "I'm coming down now," into the inky blackness, waited for the charming reply to his warning ("You act as if I give a damn about you right now, bastard!"), and started down the ladder, pausing only to recover the manhole so that no else suffered Zoey's fate with much more painful consequences. He stopped a ways from the floor, firmly opposed to Zoey killing him the instant he set foot on the ground. "Zoey, if I come down, are you going to violently murder me and blame it on a rabid chimera?"

"Seeing as I haven't used my wind alchemy to rip your ass off and artfully rearrange it onto your face after I used the alchemy to catch myself and not go splat all over the concrete like a bug, probably not," she replied sarcastically.

"You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," he said dryly, dropping down the last handful of ladder rungs to land heavily on the floor.

"Yeah, but it is classified as a form of wit. That's got to count for something, right?" she retorted, stomping off in a random direction.

"Father's hideout is the other way," Ed said, fighting back snickers. She whirled around without missing a beat and continued in the exact opposite direction from before. "You're still not going the right way, Zoey." She snarled and tried yet another way. "Why don't you just let lead so that we don't end up here all day?"

"Why don't I just kick your ass and leave you here whilst I skip off on my merry way?" she answered rhetorically, hanging back so that he could show her the way.

"What makes you think you'd ever be able to?" Edward gestured for her to make a door the pair of them to cut through, and she paused in the entryway.

"Oh, I don't know, just my added height for starters, pipsqueak."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING-"

"GOD, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE?"

* * *

The light sound of rat nails scratching feebly at metal echoed loudly in the rat's ears, but it was the rat's controller who flinched back at the near-painful sound. Not enough to free the rat from its pointy teeth, mind you, but more than what was needed to illustrate the action. Finally, after yet another jolt of pain found its way to the rat's controller, it gave up its forlorn attempt to break into Father's chair and slumped to a sitting position. In its current form, there was no way it could reach a Stone even if there was one still left somewhere. Father had placed far too much faith in the homunculi; there was nothing left here for it to salvage for itself from the remains of Father's dream.

Father. The wily old bastard had pumped Stones in and out of him through the wires and large tubing attached to his chair and his body. The rat's body lunged forward, scrabbling desperately at the old, rusty, dust-covered pipes on the floor with nails and teeth. After what felt like an age, the weak metal gave underneath the intense effort put forth by the rat's body, leaving a hole just big enough for its controller to get through. Knowing the rat would no doubt go for it the instant the creature got control of its body back, it carefully disconnected itself from the rat's pain nerves and slowly ran a claw along the rat's distended belly, spilling steaming hot guts from its warm belly flesh. The rat did not die quickly, but at least it had died fairly easily. Releasing its grip on the now-dead mammal, it slid away from the still-warm body, shuddering with its extreme distaste for the foolish mortals in every possible form, and crawled into the dilapidated metal pipe.

There was dark red rust on the wall of the metalwork, almost like dried blood from an abandoned and rustic murder scene, but nothing worth salvaging. No, the object of the thing's hurried search through the many miles of otherwise empty pipes was any and all remaining sizable drops of the crimson red creation, the lovely crown jewel of alchemy, a Philosopher's Stone. Luckily enough, there were enough of them scattered about throughout the neglected pipelines to construct a sizable chunk of one, exactly what the thing had both needed and been looking for.

High on the glee of being successful with the mission to reassemble a Philosopher's Stone, it rolled the large semi-solid ruby stone out that was the haphazard result of numerous piles of crimson goo from the pipe and onto the concrete before it pulled itself up out of the abused metal as well. It crawled over to the Stone, and running an appendage over the swollen power source appreciatively, it opened up its chest cavity to an inproportionate size for its small being and swallowed it whole. A gasp escaped its mouth as the feeling of power flowed into it once more, and it closed its eyes to fully appreciate the ecstasy of the moment.

Then, deciding it had already spent far too long in this disgusting aspect of its true form, it disposed of its pathetic guise and assumed the one it thought of its true true form, its favorite and preferred form. Sitting there on the ashes of what was once his kingdom was a boy. His form was slim and cat-like, slender with only the barest hints of his corded muscles showing on his pale skin. Green-black hair, wildly out-of-control, hung around his waist level, kept out of his eyes by a black headband with a red triangle in its center. His shirt, which laid bare all the skin of his arms, shoulders, and stomach, and skort, a slit cut up the side to show off his red Ouroboros tattoo, were black as well as his fingerless gloves. The homunculus Envy was back.

* * *

Zoey: WHA-?

Ed: *faints in shock*

Zoey: HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU TWO GO FROM ABOUT TO KILL EACH OTHER TO GETTING ICE CREAM?

Ace: I likes ice cream.

Envy: I do too. It makes me feel all better about myself.

Ace: Plus we gots some for the reviewers!

Zoey: I don't know you anymore.

Envy: AHHHH! BRAINFREEZE!

Ace: AHHHHHHH! ME TOO!

Zoey: USE YOUR INSIDE VOICES!

Ed: TOO MUCH YELLLING!

Zoey: JUST SHUT UP NOW!

Ace: OKAY!

Zoey: DO IT OR I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!

Ace: Yes ma'am.

Ed: *faints again*

Envy: *frowns* Hey, you stole my magic phrase of persuasion...


	3. And Into the Lion's Open Jaws

Envy: Hey, where's Ace?

Zoey: Oh, she's been running around the house screaming random things for the past several hours.

Ed: How long has this been going on?

Zoey: Since she found out she had more reviews.

Envy: Dammit, that means we have reviews to answer.

Zoey: Unfortunately.

Ed: First is from zeldagal, an anonymous reviewer. Here is your ice cream *hands ice cream* and Ace greatly appriciates your compliments and opinion of Zoey.

Zoey: Yeah, she'd really given up on this story because she was starting to run out interest in it. She just put this up 'cuz she was sitting on it for a while but was actually fully intending to delete it due to lack of interest until she saw the reviews. Because of you guys, she read a The Ouroboros Sign by Raven Sforz which she will sadly admit inspired this little idea nugget as far as Envy goes, in order to get past her writer's block and forge ahead with the story.

Envy: Now that I know who to hunt down and attempt to murder for causing this insanity in Ace, let's get down to the next review, ne?

Ace: OMG, OMG, OMG, DID I GET HERE IN TIME?

Zoey: Yes.

Ace: OMG! *melts into little puddle*

Zoey: *sigh* The reason Ace is so frantic is because someone reviewed who she actually read their stories before they reviewed, Kallypso.

Envy: So you're saying that because Ace liked this chic's story and then the chic reviewed, she's gone insane... -er than usual?

Zoey: Pretty much.

Ed: Ace thanks you for your input and encouragement. In the meantime, Envy will now do the disclaimer.

Envy: I REFUSE TO DO ACE'S DISCLAIMER!

Zoey: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist. Now let's just get this over with, shall we?

* * *

3: And Into the Lion's Open Jaws

Zoey looked behind her to glare at Edward impatiently. "Are you coming or what?" she snapped irritably. After she'd happened to stand under an open pipe when its contents decided to dump all over her, her mood had gotten blacker than Kimbley's nonexistent heart. Her wind and limited cleaning alchemy had gotten rid of the damage, but she was still pissed as hell at her whole situation and taking it out on Ed. "Is this the place?" she asked, gesturing to the wide chamber that used to house Father in all of his mentally disturbed, god-complexed glory.

"Yeah, I think. You're just blocking my view with your fat ass!"

Her head snapped around, eyes narrowed dangerously. For a moment, his hands inched together in muscle memory, mistaking Zoey's pissed form for someone he hadn't even thought of in three long years, but the vision left him just as quickly as it had come when he heard the words coming from her mouth. "I am _not_ fat by any definition of the term, Fullmetal." She had called him by his title; she was highly unamused. "You shouldn't blame me for the fact you're so small."

Ed twitched. Oh, she had _not_ just gone there again. "WHO ARE YOU-"

"USE YOUR GOD-DAMNED INSIDE VOICE, EDWARD!"

* * *

Envy had been exploring when he heard the beginnings of a familiar shout. "WHO ARE YOU-" He snickered. Looks like the pipsqueak was nearby and someone had once again unwittingly revealed to him the truth about his height.

"USE YOUR GOD-DAMNED INSIDE VOICE, EDWARD!" The homunculus frowned at that. He didn't know the voice that had interrupted the runt, but it had been loud and sounded feminine. Curiosity aroused, he decided to investigate the source, but carefully. Envy didn't particularly want to die today at the hands of a girl who could silence the chibi mid-rant.

* * *

Father's former throne room fascinated Zoey. If she tuned out Ed's quiet muttering about the abuse he'd just suffered, the female alchemist could almost imagine what the place had been like before Father had fallen and the homunculi had all died horribly gruesome deaths. It had once been pulsating with the life infused into it by the undead, and Zoey's blood thrilled to be so close to the forbidden once more. She almost felt like she could reach out and touch-

Zoey forced her thoughts back to the present in a stunning display of will. She had put her past firmly behind her, and that was the end of the matter. Mentally kicking herself for her traitorous thoughts, she ran her fingers slowly down the back of Father's chair in one last attempt to distract herself, only for her fingers to unexpectedly slide into a niche invisible to the naked eye. "Hey Edward," she called, "there's something here!" Her fingers skillfully traveled along the crack, but they must've brushed a tripwire or otherwise triggered something because a loud crack echoed through the room, turning the humans' blood to water. _Shit_, Zoey thought, frozen. _I've heard that sound before. It was the one that foretold Zane's-_

"ZOEY!" Edward screamed, knowing he was too far away to save the doomed alchemist and desperately trying to break her trance.

* * *

The girl beside the midget was very interesting. Her entire being was unremarkable, yet he couldn't deny there was something about her that captivated the sin. Power hid in the depths of her hypnotic blue-green eyes, drawing him closer to her than he had ever gotten to a human before of his own free will. Even with her open displays of alchemy, he couldn't deny her siren call and followed her movements carefully from the shadows.

She approached Father's chair after a moment, running her fingers along the back. She paused hesitantly, fingertips curling up inside a niche. "Hey Edward, there's something here!" she called, feeling the lines of near-invisible grooves when they both froze at a large cracking sound. Father had rigged the ceiling to fall on command, now on an unsuspecting girl.

Envy tightened his hands into fists, unaware that his nails were digging into his skin. The pipsqueak would save her, right? He had to! But no, all he did was yell her name, "ZOEY!" and not even cause so much as a flicker of emotion in her eyes. Before his brain had processed the movement, he was throwing himself out of the shadows he was concealed in, wrapping an arm around her slender waist, and desperately tugging the girl out from underneath the falling ceiling.

* * *

Right when Zoey had squeezed her eyes shut, expecting the worst and mentally resigning herself to the scrap heap, there was a cold arm wrapped firmly around her waist pulling her towards a small, slender body that was only slightly warmer. She tripped over herself, crying out when her arm painfully collided with a sharp part of Father's chair of doom, and fell into her savior, who hadn't been expecting the sudden extra weight and toppled as well, sending them both skidding across the floor. As soon as they stopped sliding, there was a grunt and Zoey felt herself being rolled over so that the cold body from before could shield her protectively. Surprised, she opened her eyes to see a face she'd only seen before in drawings and her mind whenever Roy told the story to her, the one she knew well but had never actually seen in person.

She'd been saved by a homunculus, who pushed himself up and glared in Ed's general direction angrily. "What the hell did you do, pipsqueak?" he yelled calmly, his purple eyes dancing with suppressed bloodlust.

"Envy?" Ed spluttered after a moment, lost for words.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE HER? WHY ME AND NOT YOU?"

Hesitantly, sensing the rage hiding underneath his skinny body, Zoey reached out and touched his arm gently. "He couldn't save me because he can't do alchemy anymore, and I didn't save myself because I was lost, forgetting to use my own alchemy to do it. Thank you for having mercy on me, Envy. Thank you."

"I don't know _why_ I did it," he snarled, pushing himself to his feet and starting to walk away, "but for some reason, I did, and I assure you that if you try to stop me, I won't hesitate to finish what the ceiling started."

"Please," she murmured quietly, brokenly, "don't go."

The homunculus stopped dead in his tracks, halting mid-stride. For reasons he didn't understand, when she said that, he didn't want to leave her behind anymore. _What the hell?_ he thought, rapidly trying to come up with an explanation. The one he came up with made him pale and rush to Father's chair. "The bastard couldn't have. He wouldn't have," he gasped, tearing apart the fixture and drooping visibly at what he found inside. "Damn it all," Envy breathed in shock, "that fucking bastard really _did_ do it after all."

* * *

Ace: Dun dun dun, cliffhanger!

Envy: Do not murder the authoress, do not murder the authoress...

Ace: En, why are you saying that over and over?

Envy: Because maybe if I say it enough, I can convince myself not to do it.

Ace: Meep! *hides behind Zoey* Don't let him kill me!

Ed: Ace says that the reviews for this chapter will be pictures of Envy's birthday party that she and Zoey held yesturday.

Zoey: It was Hawaiian-themed.

Envy: THAT'S IT, I'M KILLING THE AUTHORESS!

Ace: NO! I'M TOO YOUNG AND PRETTY TO DIE! *runs away in terror*

Zoey: *runs after Envy* GOSHDANGIT ENVY, YOU CAN'T KILL ACE 'CUZ THEN WE'D HAVE BLOODSTAINS ALL OVER THE RUGS!

Ed: ... Um, I think I'm just gonna go read a book or something. *walks off trying to pretend absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is happening*


	4. Homunculi Never Really Die

Ace: Yay, more updates!

Envy: I still can't believe I'm not allowed to kill you.

Zoey: Yeah, well, tough luck there, palm tree.

Envy: I AM NOT A-

Zoey: USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE!

Envy: Yes, Zoey!

Ed: ... Let's get to the reviews, on that creepy note.

Zoey: Furorensu-chan, Ace does not care why you were late, or even if you are late at all. She just likes to see reviews.

Ace: *creepy voice* Reviews...

Envy: AND I SO DO NOT LIKE ZOEY!

Ace: Yes you do...

Envy: SHUT UP!

Ace: I DON'T WANNA! OKAY!

Ed: Okay, samtude, Ace is glad that you like the story, and yes, she will continue with it.

Ace: ... I am beginning to wonder if I should hide from Kallypso. She threatened me and I have a feeling my updates will not be nearly as often as anyone, including myself, would like...

Envy: Yes, please, go hide.

Ace: I think I will, but thanks for your lovely enthusiam, En.

Envy: YOU'RE WELCOME!

Ace: ... I hate you so much right now.

Envy: Hate is a good emotion.

Zoey: So is love.

Envy: I DON'T LOVE YOU!

Ed: You didn't deny liking her.

Envy: ... Shit.

Zoey: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

* * *

4: Homunculi Never Really Die

"What's going on, Envy, and why haven't you even tried to kill us yet?" Edward asked, taking a fighting stance between the sin and the only capable alchemist.

"Please, tell us, Envy," Zoey murmured, looking from behind Edward with only gentle compassion in her eyes.

"All that playing around with your alchemy triggered these reset arrays. They were hidden here, where no one would ever think to look, with one corresponding to each homunculus. It just looks like I was the first to reassemble."

Edward paled. "You mean _all_ of you are coming back?"

"Most likely. I don't know of Pride, Gluttony, Wrath, or Greed since Pride ate Gluttony but never died, and Wrath and Greed became filthy humans before their own demise. As for Lust, Sloth, and myself, we'll all be back as though we never died."

Zoey's voice was quiet and timid as she spoke up once more. "You didn't tell us why we aren't dead yet."

The homunculus chuckled dryly. "That's because we have a new master now. Somehow Zoey's blood ended up all over the arrays, meaning we all obey her now even though I'm currently the only functioning homunculus, and as a homunculus, the two most important impulses where the master is concerned is to protect and please. Killing you can hardly be called protection, and killing the pipsqueak here would only upset you, unless I've missed my guess there."

"Bastard," Edward growled, causing Zoey to promptly slap his arm.

"He's being no more of a bastard than you are right now, Fullmetal. He's actually being a damn sight more useful than you are at the moment, seeing as he saved me and you didn't," Zoey pointed out, getting up and going over to Envy. He flinched away from her, but she only took his hand in hers, letting her warmth seep over to him. "Where do you think the others would have reassembled?"

"Somewhere inconspicuous, where they could lick their wounds, regroup, and defend easily if need be."

"Would you please take us there, Envy?" she asked, surprising him with her glaring lack of orders, just gentle questions he could always deny. But that approach, asking rather than telling, made Envy's heart (because yes, he did have a black little metaphorical heart deep inside of him) hopeful for a better life. He clung close to Zoey's heels, directing her and the pipsqueak through a hopelessly confusing maze of tunnels until they found a large array on the floor of a particularly spacious cavern that dimmed its bright red color upon their entrance.

Zoey and Ed were practically blind with the sudden absence of light, but Envy didn't need all too much light to see. He was perfectly aware of the nails arching for Zoey and leapt forward, closing his hand around the reaching extensions and stopping them mere inches from her vulnerable face. The others were awake. "Envy, not to be rude or anything," Lust asked, "but-"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Greed finished for her.

"Can I eat her, Lust?"

"Fighting is so... tiring."

Hastily, Envy scanned the room. There was Lust and Gluttony, the original Greed, a less muscle-bound Sloth, and a conspicuous lump of black that could only be Wrath. It would be five against two and a half, not the odds he particularly wanted right now. "Zoey is our master now, you dimwits."

There was a long pause, which Greed eventually broke. "Bullshit."

"You can go in and see the blood on the arrays yourself, or you could just try to disobey a direct order. I don't really care which."

Everyone minus Envy, Wrath, and Ed turned to Zoey expectantly, wanting to test the shapeshifter's words. "Um, put your right hand up," she said, unable to come up with far too much more of an innocent request that that. Slowly, five hands found their way into the air. Disliking the extreme level of power she held over them (she thought her ability to stop Ed's short rants was more than enough power for once person, thank you very much), she said, "You can put them down now."

"Okay," Greed said, wrinkling his nose in disgust, "now what?"

"Well," Zoey said slowly, "do you guys have a proper place to stay. I know somewhere where you guys can stay. I'm a part owner of the place and the other girl can't stand it anymore, so it's not as if you'll be at risk of being discovered there."

Envy, Lust, and Greed exchanged a loaded glance. The truth was, as much as they hadn't wanted a new master, Zoey had made no attempt to dominate them as Father had and actually seemed somewhat nice. She had her own will to be certain, but none of the intent to prompt anything compromising. "We'll go."

She smiled, gently scooping up the still-slumbering Wrath into her arms as she quickly came up with a plan. "'Kay, now we can all get there easily, but only if we all split into groups. Ed, Wrath, Envy, and I'll go first, then I'll come back for you guys."

Envy growled, "I am _not_ leaving you alone with them!"

"ENVY!"

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, KILL OUR NEW MASTER?"

"Ugh, killing is so tiring."

"Lust, if we kill her, can I eat her?"

"NOT HELPING GLUTTONY!"

Unwilling to put up with the argument, Zoey yelled, "SHUT UP!" and pointedly smacked Ed since he was the only one who wasn't soul-bound to obey her every word. She felt guilty about it when the homunculi flinched collectively and the blond glared at her irritably (okay, maybe not that one so much) but proceeded into her speech nonetheless. "For Gate's sake, you guys, I am a fully grown woman and the highly accomplished Cyclone Alchemist to boot. I think I could handle myself perfectly well in a fight if I had to."

"But they're homunculi!" Edward protested with a whine, pointing at the others.

"And for that, you're gonna be the one carrying Wrath back," she informed him, dumping the smallest homunculus into his arms, making him have to rush to support the boy. "I rescind my previous order. I'm sorry. I was out of line snapping like that. I need to put more thought into my words now that I'm responsible for more than just me now."

Gluttony was the first to break the following silence. "Lust, I don't want to eat her anymore. She's too nice to eat."

* * *

"Right," Zoey said, kneeling by a pool of water, "I haven't done this in a while, but it won't be all too hard. I'm gonna whip up an alchemy smokescreen, and while that's going on, you guys start running and don't stop 'til you reach the rusty iron gate. Get through that, and you'll be fine." They nodded, and she pressed her hands to a circle she'd traced in the dirt earlier.

Everything went smoothly until Zoey, Envy, Wrath, and Ed were the only ones remained. Then the girl started coughing uncontrollably, hacking up blood onto the floor alongside her. "ZOEY!" Ed cried concernedly.

"Inside voice, Fullmetal," she panted between coughs, and then she fainted.

* * *

Ace: I love that little protest sequence. If you didn't get it, it was Lust who spoke first, then Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, and then Lust again.

Zoey: Personally, I think it's funny you managed to work in an inside voice comment even as I was fainting.

Envy: I thought she rushed it a little, if you asked me.

Ace: Well, I kinda had to pick up around the order thing about a month after I'd originally wrote it...

Ed: I'm hearing excuses!

Ace: NOBODY ASKED YOU! Anyways, I needed an excuse to introduce Izzy soon, and that was it.

Ed: ... Fine.

Zoey: Review for... a day with cute little Wrath!

Wrath: I am adorable.

Envy: ... Hey, wasn't he still asleep?

Ace: Yeah...

Ed: OH MY GOD, IT'S A SLEEPWALKER!

*All run away in terror*


	5. Cyclones and Hospitals Rarely Mix Well

Ace: Dude, you all totally owe my Criminal Justice and Math teacher lots of thanks. If they hadn't given me almost the whole period for free time the past two days, then I wouldn't be able to put up another chapter of something yesterday, today, and tomorrow too!

Envy: Fantabulous, now can we get on with this already?

Zoey: Look, reviews! Kallypso, Wrath is so dangerous as a sleep-walker because then he doesn't know he's killing us all with his... cuteness.

Envy: AND I WILL NOT ADMIT IT!

Zoey: Ha, you have feelings!

Envy: ... Damn.

Ace: LIZ! *tackles* I love you so much! I wish you were my character just so that I could help you get kidnapped by crazy stalker palm trees, so instead, here's a nice new shiny watch!

Ed: Okay, zeldagal now. No, Wrath doesn' have my limbs, he has his owns, and his power is still to merge with stuff 'cuz that's part of his power to do alchemy.

Ace: And yes, Greed's back, because face it, he's my favorite character after our little homicidal cross-dressing gender-confused palm tree... Oh, and thanks for the improvement and I feel really honored now to be your first review. :P

Zoey: Furorensu-Chan, just for saying something about my 'inside voice' line, Ace put in a special secret... Okay, not really. She just wanted to see (bleep).

Ed: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

* * *

5: Cyclones and Hospitals Rarely Mix Well

Envy and Edward didn't think, just acted. The sin scooped up the fainted alchemist and ran with her, his feet unconsciously guiding him to a hospital with the blond close behind. Zoey was handed off to a platoon of doctors for treatment and only then did Edward look down to discover a pair of purple eyes looking at him intelligently. "Nii-san," the little homunculus asked quietly, "will Sister be all right?"

Somehow Envy managed to grind out a chuckle for the boy when he really felt like slapping a nurse or something. Why was it taking so long for them to figure out what was wrong with Zoey? (It had only been about ten minutes since she'd gone down, but to our poor freaking-out palm tree, it's been about two hours). "Listen kid, Eddo there is by no means related to you, and neither is Zoey, but if she was all right, then why the hell would we be at a freaking hospital?"

Quietly reassuring Wrath that his nii-san was normally a sadistic psychopath and that Zoey would likely be fine, the blond glared at the older homunculus accusingly. " ... You've never cared for anyone like you do for her before now, have you?"

He ran his hands through his long hair viciously. "No, but I've never been so closely bonded to someone before. All I've ever known in my entire four hundred years or so of life was Father's iron fist. He was cold, but Zoey's more like a little fire than anything. She can be just as dangerous as he could be if she wanted to, but she's definitely much more benevolent than Father ever was."

Ed decided it was official. The fact that Envy was rambling about a human, his master or not, and it was positive rambling he was doing could only mean one thing. The homunculus was falling hard and fast for her. Interrupting Ed's musing, the door at the end of the hallway slammed open to reveal Roy, who barged in, only to promptly run into a chair Wrath had moved so that he could play under it. The youngest homunculus squealed in alarm, running away to hide under Envy's chair, and the older homunculus took advantage of the confusion to change his form, unaware that the man sprawled undignifiably across the floor tiles was blind.

This form had long brown hair, though nowhere near as long as his normal look, and thoughtful hazel eyes. To Edward, it was obvious the sin had taken the look right from the pages of a romance novel (Envy reads romance novels? Admit it; your childhood innocence, what's left of it at any rate, just went down the toilet right then) simply by judging that it resembled the compact form of an archer or perhaps even a knight-turned-dragonslayer (How does Ed know all this crap about romance novels? Does he read them? O.O) and had been adopted no doubt in an unknowing attempt to catch Zoey's interest.

Riza came running in then, having obviously lost Roy in the halls, and yelled, "For God's sake, Roy!" The blind man flinched, but before the sharpshooter could begin properly lecturing him, there was a loud crash and sirens. Envy reacted first, throwing himself into the direction he'd last seen them take Zoey, which just so happened to coincide with the area from which the crashing was coming from. Wrath and Ed followed after the distraught homunculus to a hospital room swarmed with doctors. Envy impatiently elbowed aside of the technicians, slipping into the room.

"I DON'T NEED A DAMN TUBE OR ANY MORE OF THOSE SHITTY TESTS! I ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME AND I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE!"

Zoey's bedridden form was revealed then, Envy standing close beside her with a murderous expression on his face. Ed chuckled, "Wow, Zoey, I don't really think you should be ribbing me for yelling when you've got your own set of lungs on you."

Her eyes narrowed, and she flicked her fingers. A wall of air smacked him right in time for her to say, "Shut up, Fullmetal. You're not really one to talk." She then turned her blue-green eyes to the doctors. "No needles, no tubes, no nothing. Am I at a perfect state of health, no, but I know exactly what's wrong with me, and it's hardly life-threatening. Now can I make a phone call?"

One of them, a twitchy little fellow, protested, "But Miss Morgan, your condition-"

"-will not kill me anytime in the near future, I assure you," she finished. " Now may I _please_ make a phone call and/or go home?"

Twitchy ignored her. "Someone will need to fill out her hospital forms since she refuses to do them herself."

"They're a complete waste of time! If I could make the phone call I'd be perfectly fine! I don't even need to be here! And besides, doesn't my shiny pocket watch count for anything anymore?"

Twitchy turned to Ed. "Perhaps you could, Mr..."

"Elric. Edward Elric."

Zoey glared at the two males. "You see, _this_ is exactly why I don't feel guilty for blowing up a hospital whenever I get sent to one. The doctors don't listen to me, I have to wear these shitty hospital gowns, _and_ I end up on some kind of psycho meds I refuse to take and get force fed."

"You've blown up hospitals?" Wrath piped up inquisitively.

"Not exactly. Picture a hospital after a good Category 5 hurricane, subtract the water damage, and you've got a pretty good representation of what I do to the place."

Twitchy somehow magically made a large stack of paperwork appear in his arms, but Roy, even though he just came in the door, took them from him. "I'll fill these out," he said, "seeing as I am technically her legal guardian."

Zoey stared at him open-mouthed. "Is this the first time he's ever taken extra paperwork of his own free will?"

"I think so," Riza replied conversationally.

"MY GOD, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"

"USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE, EDWARD! DON'T MAKE ME GET OUT OF THIS BED!" the girl yelled, then paused to think about it for a moment. "Wait a second here, I have alchemy!" Her fingers flickered again, and this time, the wall of air smacked him upside the head. "Now take the little boy home before his family gets worried about him!"

Once Ed and Wrath cleared out, Riza finally noticed Envy sitting up by the head of Zoey's bed. "Zoey, who is this?" she asked warily, worried that one or both of them were insane.

"Oh, um, this is, uh," she was totally blanking on what to call the sin but forged ahead anyway with a crazy idea, "my boyfriend! I didn't want you guys to intimidate him, so I was waiting to bring him to meet you, but this is Evan-"

"Stone," Envy finished hastily for her. "My name is Evan Stone." The resulting tension in the air, coming from both Riza and Roy, was enough to prompt him to reach for Zoey's hand, hoping to delay his no doubt inevitable murder. The only question was whether he would die from a bullet or from flames...

* * *

Ed: ... I vote flames.

Zoey: I vote bullet.

Envy: I vote... hey, I don't want to die!

Ace: Flaming bullet.

Zoey: ... I'm changing my vote to that.

Ed: I'll stick with the flames.

Envy: I hate you.

Zoey: Anyways, Ace is planning a special guest appearance in the next chapter (with more stupid comedy).

Ace: And right now, I would like to say, Roy, I'm sorry I had you trip over a chair. I just came up with the idea and the picture was too funny to kill. Wrath, I'm doubly sorry because I never meant for you to be under the chair, but I couldn't come up with another reason for it to be in the middle of a hospital hallway for Roy to trip over.

Ed: What's you reward this time?

Ace: I'll be nice and offer up some of the cake I stole from my friend's mom. It's delicious and moist!

Zoey: This will not end well.

Envy: Like hell it won't. I'm just gonna leave now before bad things happen.

Zoey: Right behind you.

Ed: Ditto.

Ace: Wait, where'd you all go? I WANNA COME TOO!


	6. The Ice Queen with the Broken Edges

Ace: Blah blah, not answered reviews today. I'm too busy.

Envy: With what?

Ed: Yeah, what's more important than us?

Ace: CAN'T TALK, MUST WORK!

Zoey: *sigh* Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist.

Ace: Thanks Zoey. Let's get on with the story, shall we? *twitch twitch*

* * *

6: The Ice Queen with the Broken Edges

Isabelle Valentine was not a person who gave off warm vibes. It might have been because she hailed from the icy lands of Briggs, or maybe because she disliked the long drawn-out affair of the train ride to Central. Her legs, sheathed in bell-bottom jeans and brown leather riding boots, were drawn to her chest protectively, and she leaned her head against the window, ignoring the passing landscape in favor of doodling absently on the fogged-up glass from her breathing. Scowling at her creation, she obliterated it in one swift motion of her arm. For one long moment, the reflection of an unnaturally pale girl with extremely light blue-gray hair and washed out ice-blue eyes stared at her accusingly before she looked away pointedly, fingering the translucent sleeve of her white blouse, its buttons open to reveal navy blue spaghetti straps underneath.

She wasn't as strong as Zoey was. She couldn't just push aside their past like Zoey had; she needed the cold metal slap of the cross around her neck to bring her back to reality even though she did not believe in the power of a god. She needed the cross the same way she needed the icy emptiness of Briggs even though she hated being cold. By giving herself to a church, she was insulating herself from alchemy. By living in the far north of Amestris, she was safeguarding herself from another disaster.

Having grown bored with her clothing, she closed her eyes but stayed far from the realms of sleep. Unlike Zoey, who fidgeted whenever she didn't immediately have something to do and inevitably ended up destroying something of relative importance, Isabelle was perfectly content in such an occasion to simply close her eyes and do nothing. Really, by now, she should've known better than to try that. Her mind, deprived of much of its stimuli, began to wander aimlessly, searching for something to occupy herself. It settled on a nightmare.

* * *

_Isabelle did not like alchemy. She was only fourteen for Pete's sake! She couldn't change the world with what feeble results she was producing. No, that job would inevitably fall to Zoey, what with the way she had instantly gravitated to wind alchemy, provided she wasn't recruited as a dog of the Military first. Fed up of how their alchemy teacher, Zoey's older brother Zane, continually asked Zoey to demonstrate her talents to help Isabelle, the girl impulsively decided to get herself well and truly lost. She ran to the stables, threw a bridle on her horse, an albino she'd named Frostbite, and rode off into the desert. She and Frostbite made good time, reaching the oasis at the old Xerxes ruins with the horse still raring to go._

_Bored and feeling like breaking yet more rules, she began walking into the ruins, Frostbite following her loyally. She let her hand trail against the sandblasted walls merely for the hell of it and delighted in the forbidden thrill it gave her. A nervous whicker from Frostbite brought her attention to the fact that A) she had acquired an equine stalker and B) she wasn't alone out here in the middle of nowhere. She froze nervously, very much aware that she wasn't supposed to be here, and after a moment of consideration, she dropped the reins to the floor, ground-tying the horse. Frostbite had been well trained and wouldn't move from that spot until she came to collect him, which was a good thing. She didn't need his horseshoes announcing her presence when she was sneaking around. If there was one thing Isabelle had learned, it was that in the desert, there was little difference between friend and foe.

* * *

_

"Come on!" Roy protested, "Are we really that scary?" Zoey opened her mouth to reply, but the alchemist predicted her reaction and growled, "Don't answer that."

She laughed. "Fine. Just promise me it'll be Riza taking the offensive stance, not you. I'm sure we'd all appreciate if he still had a body left to live with."

"Please," Envy added flippantly, squeezing her fingers in a silent thank-you. "I'd rather not live the rest of my life as a burned cripple."

The three laughed at that, but Zoey gasped, remembering something important. "Oh shit! I was supposed to go to Izzy's today! She's probably at the train station right now!" The female alchemist began struggling to get up, but the homunculus pressed her back down worriedly.

"Relax," Riza said. "I asked Ed to go to the train station and pick her up on the way back. What's the worst that could happen? Izzy's mature enough not to destroy things."

"Not if she makes the connection," Zoey murmured faintly, looking at the hands she had lying in her lap.

"What connection?" Roy asked confusedly.

* * *

_Izzy peeked around the corner cautiously, watching the small group that had come here. Warily, she backed up when the blond boy broke off from the group. A smile lit up his face when his sharp golden eyes somehow picked her out from the shadows, but he said nothing and even helped hasten the others away. She was grateful for his help, even if she hadn't asked for it. In fact, she was in enough of a good mood to ride Frostbite back, intending to intercept Zane and given another attempt at a successful foray into alchemy.

* * *

_

The frozen touch of metal against her bare chest was enough to violently shock Isabelle from her stupor, just in time for the train to pull into Central. Keeping herself close, she hopped elegantly onto the platform, the blue strands of her hair dancing around her face until she swept them behind her ear. Hastily, she scanned the platform for her friend, who was conspicuously absent. _When I find Zoey,_ she vowed silently, _I will wring her neck myself. Of all the nerve to abandon me at the station when I wrote in advance!_ Then she saw something more painful than anything she could have possibly imagined. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"Izzy ran into Fullmetal at the Xerxes ruins the same day of the accident."

The blood drained from Roy's face. "Oh God. She's gonna rip him to pieces."

"Isn't that a little… drastic?" Envy asked hesitantly.

Zoey shook her head. "It was Edward's work that made us what we are today. She's gonna be pissed enough at him to do something impulsive."

Riza looked nauseated. "That's why she never come to visit us. As cold and hard as it must be for her up at Briggs, how could she have handled meeting _Ed_?"

* * *

Ace: Don't you just love how it goes from Envy being in danger of dying straight to Ed all in the matter of a chapter?

Ed: No.

Envy: Yes.

Zoey: Meh.

Izzy: Who are you people?

Zoey: AND NOW, WE OFFER CAKE FOR REVIEWS!

Ace: YAY CAKE!

Ed: *sweatdrops* Is it just me or is Ace a little off today?

Envy: Oh, no, she is off right now because she's trying to help her friend get together for her big debut as ImmortalDawn18 later. If you like any of Ace's work, please go read something of Dawn's when she puts the stories up, which will all be beta-ed by Ace. Thank you and good night!

*all run away*


End file.
